Ode to silence

My brain has been full of philosophy lately as I have decided to read or shall I say re-read Ralph Waldo Emerson’s collected works. A lot of people think his writing is too heavy, and I agree to a certain extent, but his writing is also very rich and when I read some of his essays I often get a similar feeling as when I read the Bible or other spiritual book. I’m not blaspheming the sacred; I just mean that you can really glean off of just one page or even one idea or thought of his for a long period of time. I have always loved his essays “The American Scholar” “Self Reliance” “Politics” and “Nature”. He writes different from anyone I have read really. It sounds strange but he seems to pull some kind of natural wisdom from out of himself, almost like an impressionistic painting. I think with a lot of writers it is the opposite, they pull wisdom from outside and make it theirs. I guess what I am trying to say is that he listened to himself, to his heart, and to his spirit. With that being said, I guess it makes sense that he was also a true poet. He said, “To believe that what is true in one’s own heart is true for all men, that is genius.”

This got me really thinking. It seems that us humans are always looking at certain people as somehow better than us or different from us. Many of us have idols in our lives, people that we look up to and wish that we could be more like. We say, “if only I had their talent” or “if only I had their discipline” or “if only I was as brave as they are”. Yadda yadda yadda. But if you cut all of the fat off and get to the bare bones aren’t we all made of the same stuff? Don’t we all have essentially the same template? I think a lot of times the reason that we look up to others is because they have the courage to voice or express their innermost being and that resonates with our own innermost being. The beautiful prose that Shakespeare wrote, don’t we essentially have access to the same inspiration that he had? I want to pose a question. Instead of wishing to be more like others, why can’t we just wish to be more like our self? Isn’t that essentially what those we look up to do anyway?

So how do we attain this…this fullness of self? I am not really sure. I certainly don’t have all of the answers, but my intuitive thought is pretty simple: silence. I mean isn’t silence so under-rated? Americans are so busy all of the time; we are constantly over-stimulated with technology. It seems we have something in our eyes (phones, computers, televisions) or in our ears (music, talking, etc) from the moment we wake up until the moment we sleep. We don’t listen to ourselves much. We don’t listen to our intuition much. We don’t listen to our hearts much. We don’t even listen to our minds much. I would go as far to say that this could be the root of MANY problems in today’s culture. I’ve heard people say that American’s are self centered, but I disagree. We are not centered in ourselves at all. We are self un-centered. When do we have time to be centered in ourselves? In my experience, some of my greatest epiphanies or revelations came in moments of complete solitude. Perhaps if we weren’t constantly stuffing ourselves with false substitutes we would find within in us everything that we already need. Just a thought.

My non-bucket bucket list

I had an idea the other night (or shall I say twilight) while I was tossing and turning and getting no sleep. (Hey...who said insomnia didn't have it’s advantages?) It’s kind of based on a dream that I had about my best friend Sara. The details of the dream are relatively important. I don't remember much except that I came to see her and when I arrived at her house she met me at the door with this medieval looking scroll. (Is Sara my subconscious Yoda? Ha.) On the scroll she had a list of things that I needed to do before I was allowed to go back home. She did a very good job writing it (or I did...whatever) The point was to take risks and expand my horizons more. (This is lovely. I am SO in need of a little rebellion.) I don't remember everything she listed in the dream. I only remember two things she listed.

1.) Ride the Tilt-A-Whirl five times straight. (Yikes!)
2.) Build a sand castle

Anyway...I think it would be so much fun to actually do this! I am working on my own list now as well as taking suggestions. I will post the suggestions as I receive them. When I finish all the tasks I will post it (with pictures for proof) I would also like some ideas from you! The only rules are that they must be reasonable and they must things that I will actually be able to complete by December 31. (Keep in mind also that I am PO..and I don't mean poor, I mean PO.) Please help, and be creative! The more creative the better. (At least I think so...ah...what am I getting myself in to?) I’ll love you forever.

Upon sharing this idea with a few people I found out that it is similar to the movie "The Bucket List." I have never actually seen the movie (I'll have to now, of course.) Anyway, it's not quite the same thing. It is simply me being random and crazy. I proclaimed this to be my year of self-discovery and I may be getting way more than I bargained for. Tee-hee.

Here are some other additions I received today:
3. Slash in a fountain
4. Break a rule, any rule
5. Swing at a park
6. Run in any marathon
7. Do five cartwheels (Yikes!)
8. Dance in the rain
9. Get ten strangers to hug you and pat you on the head
10. Sing and play on the street corner for money.
11. Join a talent show
12. Eat lobster (Okay...so there is nothing strange about this...but if you knew how much I loathe seafood you would understand. Can we say giant bugs?)
13. Take a random class at the y or some place like that (I think I'll try sewing!)
14.) Be a people statue in the city. Stand really still until someone walks by and keep a tally of how many people you scare. (sounds fun!)

The wonder of faces

It’s amazing to me how many hundreds or thousands of people that we meet in life. We see them come and watch them go. We brush shoulders with them at work, or on the street, or in the grocery store. Sometimes their faces become familiar to us, like a part of the scenery in our day. Other faces we never see again. Out of all these beautiful people we meet, at least in my experience, there are only a select few who seem to resonate with our soul/heart. There are some people that when we see their face there is something intrinsicly familiar about them. A part of us seems to know that we want them in our life. This has happened to me with every close friendship and relationship in my life.There was one instance in particular in my experience where I was simply walking along happy in my solitude, just a plain and regular day, and I saw this person’s face for the first time and literally stopped in my tracks. It was so weird. It was as if my heart was saying "stop. you know this one."

We possess an amazing inner radar. There are some people that I could talk to and talk to...just surface conversation all day long. They are nice and polite and I am nice and polite. This exchange could go on for weeks and even years but that’s all there is. Then there are others who I have talked to for thirty minutes and I felt like they had given me a piece of themselves or vice versa. My closest friends and I could go months without even speaking to one another and then when we speak again it’s as if no time has even gone by. There is one person that I knew for a month and felt so well understood by them that it was as if I had known them my whole life. I completely fell in love with them. I also felt as if I somehow "knew" this person although by all "logical" standards I didn’t know them at all.

There are some people that when they hug us or smile at us there is a sense of peace and comfort. It’s just an instinctual and automatic thing. Perhaps it is because these people are like us in some way and we just sense that about them. Or perhaps they are not like us in a lot of ways, but there is something that they must teach us, some gift that this person out of all other people must give to us. Or perhaps there is some gift that we sense we must give to them.We are so lucky and blessed to have the opportunity to love and learn from one another. There is this simple quote I heard a long time ago that says "friends are God’s way of caring for us." I like that one.