Thoughts....

That was the worst title ever. I hate titles.

Anyway...on to the blogging...

There are some days where we all should have a liscence to just let our hair down a little. Where we give ourselves some room to simply be sad, or crazy...to let it all out. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up feeling completely off. Full of nervous energy, antsy, cabin feverish. I am in the arctic winter after all. Sometimes I can not be cognizant of that or take it for granted. You could say that I didn't deal with those feelings in the best way, however, I actually learned something from my self induced debauchry. I feel much better today. It was kind of nice being gentle with myself and simply admiting, "You know what? I feel like shit. This is how I feel and Im not putting on a smile for you."

To my surprise, everyone around me (and all those not "around" me that I spoke with via telephone) were incredibly supportive. I guess I am learning to trust a little more again and be vulnerable? After telling my friend that I was a total hot mess and felt half way insane he said, "Wow! That sounds like fun!" You know you have some amazing friends in your life when they can saddle up beside you on any given day. Good day, bad day, happy, sad, ugly, no makeup, dressed to the hilt, confused, sad, what have you. I do not know why this felt so freeing and such a revelation to me. Perhaps somehow I have developed the impression that nothing is built to last....that people are inherently judgmental...that they will leave you when you're down. I hate that I view the world with such a cynical eye these days. But love and hope ARE much bigger than the confusion and sadness all around me. That brings me comfort and inspires me to do better. I am strong, worthy, and capable. I am also flighty, moody, and sensitive. And you know what? For the first time, maybe ever, I think that is okay.

And all of you, my friends, (the three that read this blog!!!) :p, thank you for being you!

Love,
Me.