Attention:
Steph's services are currently out of order.
She will remain out of service until the following thing is aquired:
One true heart.
If that is not acquired, you can find her down in Florida drinking gin with her twelve cats, listening to old Hank Williams records.
Thank You.
P.S It is a joke.
I'll be strong like a flower
That blooms in the spring
Pluck off all my petals
But it cannot destroy me.
Around this time next year
All of the strorms and rain
Will array me in new colors
And I'll be born again.
There's no use in crying
Over spilled theories
There's no use in trying
For those who do not hear me.
There's no use in dying
Over things that cannot kill me.
All of these emotions
All the pain and doubt
All of the sadness
Passes through me like clouds
But my soul is the blue sky
And clouds are so fleeting
Why hold myself ransom
When I'm already free?
There's no use in crying
Over spilled theories
There's no use in trying
For those who will not hear me.
There's no use in dying
For things that cannot kill me.
And I'm learning
As a woman
How much strength there is in
Fragility.
I look towards the pulpit
And see remnants of another time
I know he loves his Jesus,
So why can't he love mine?
So full of words and phrases
The hungry are just outside the door
I stare at empty church pews
And wonder just what for.
"It's because they're all wicked",
He says with a grin
"Funny" I think,
"He doesn't recognize his own sin."
I move up towards the altar
I smell persimmon and sage
But the fragrance is interuppted
By the tearing of a page.
I turn my head to look
and someone pushes me down
"No use aaking questions here,
We never turn around."
They all march like an army
To an uncertain fate
But I try to find my bible
Outside by the gate.
The preacher follows me out
And I try to find his eyes
But they are hidden
Beneath a heavy veil of tyranny and lies.
I know that he can't help it
I can see the fear
I reach out in sympathy
But he refuses to get near.
"No use being frightened"
He tells me as I weep
"Cleanse yourself and go back inside
With all the other sheep."
I reach up to touch my face
to see if there is mud
And was blinded by a vision
Of a wooden cross and blood.
"I think that I'll stay dirty"
I say in a broken tone
"I want to go to heaven,
But I don't want to go alone."
Don't cast your pearls to the swine
Don't sell your soul for a scrap of bread
His love is a paradyme
His words are fat
But his soul unfed.
You see yourself through a broken mirror
You see yourself in a foggy haze
Look to the left and the coast is clear
But you're looking at death
When you look in his face.
I see you through the eyes of a child
I see you through the eyes of God
Slow disintegration of your smile
And your heart that screams
From the chopping block.
Your only love and your only pain
Your only love pulls you out of your head
You drink the sorrow in the name of change
Instead of loving yourself instead.
I've been living with my father for the past couple of months, which probably sounds lame but it's actually very wonderful. My dad left my life when I was 8 and I never saw him again until I was 19. For years I was deeply saddened, angry, and confused by this...obviously. I was a total daddies girl when I was young. When we first reunited I still had a lot of anger and misunderstanding towards him and I completely gave him hell. But now as adults having the opportunity to get to know him again and be there to spend time with him during the sunset period in his life is awesome. I am hearing his side of the story, which I never heard. It's touching to learn what a truly good man my dad really is. Him and my mom are actually friends now which is something that I never believed would happen. It's amazing to me how things can come around full circle and heal. I no longer question why it is that I had to go through such a tough time. I really know that it shaped who I am, which I am actually grateful for. Who has time for anger and regrets when there is so much love?
We spent the day today cleaning out his spare bedroom, which will soon be my room. (finally...no more couch) He came across some old pictures of us and my brother. I actually started crying. I somehow managed to kind of black out a large chunk of my childhood. Seriously....I do not remember much of it. I've heard that it's some sort of defence mechanism. Anyways...These pictures actually jogged my memory again and I am so happy to have some of my memories back! I kind of feel as if a piece of me has returned. It's a difficult feeling to explain.
Anyways...here's to dad.
Everyone talks too much
Words can be a disease
They squander the love
Most good things
Rot and turn poisonous
So be careful
With your tounge
Everyone acts so happy
Then they cry themselves to sleep at night
Everything is just a fallacy
So, don't talk to me
Just hold me close.
Hold my hand and we can sail away
On a white wave of time
Forget the fear
Forget everything
Just look into my eyes
Everyone loves to fight
They hold their candles to the night
They burn them til the end
All of those candles could outshine the sun
But we're too busy being right
Hold my hand and we can sail away
On a white wave of time
Forget the fear
Forget everything
Just look into my eyes.
Silence, please.
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