5 Childhood Memories

I decided it might be fun to try this 25 day blog challenge. Hey, why not? It's pretty straight forward. You reveal new things about yourself every day for 25 days and yadda yadda. I'm not sure what the point is. Perhaps self reflection? Perhaps to let other people get to know you better?

Day 1: Five Most Important/Memorable Childhood Memories

This one may in fact be the toughest one out of all of these for me. My memories of my childhood are very sporatic. I have managed to block out large chunks of it, and I am not kidding. Not to mention that I have a horrible memory anyway. I think it's a genetic defect. Here goes nothing...

1.) Big brothers are a blessing. My brother and I were extremely close as children, even though we would occasionally fight like cats and dogs.....let me rephrase.... HE would play horrible pranks on me and ask me to do terribly dangerous things so he could watch. Because I was incredibly gullible and sweetly stupid, I would just go along with anything he said, no matter how many times I got hurt. I trusted him to a fault. One thing I CAN say though is my brother had this very noble inclination that HE could terrorize me as much as he wished but NO ONE else better even think about it!

We grew up very poor and were living in this apartment complex in West Chicago. I will just say that it was full of shady characters too, although I don't recall ever being frightened. Anyway, one day this Mexican kid from a couple buildings down decided that he wanted to steal my bike. I LOVED that bike.

This kid was older than Shaun if I recall and was pretty tough. Not only that but he had older brothers that were even tougher. I think they may have even been in a gang. Despite all of this, he puffed his lil chest out and marched right over to their apartment and demanded that this little punk give me back my bike. I couldn't believe it! I had no idea that he was going to do such a thing and I certainly never would have asked him to. I would be afraid he would get murdered! However, without much of a fight besides some threats and back talk....the bike was returned. It was sitting on the porch when I got home from school. I couldn't believe that this creature who once told me to stick my finger in a fan (WHILE IT WAS PLUGGED IN)could be so protective over me. It made me so proud and still does. <3

2.) Trailor Swimming. Yes, you read that right. When I was about 8 years old, my mother met this man. I liked him right away because I thought he was RICH. He lived in a MANSION with all the food and sweets you could ever want. He had a POOL TABLE in the basement AND ATARI with tons of GAMES. He had movies and tons of places to discover both inside and out. I was in heaven. To me, moving in with him meant living like a queen. (It's hilarious, because if I were to look at that house now, it's really not that big at all.)And to my utter delight, we DID move in with him.

What I did not forsee then, however, was that Tom (i.e Sprout, Troll, Hitler) <--- all nick names given to him by my friends) was horribly mean and kind of psychotic. He once made me write 10,000 sentences for forgetting to turn off a light. And that one example is small potatoes compared to other various forms of torture I endured. What he did not know with the sentence writing was that I had all of my friends in school helping me out. It was like a little sentence writing factory. Somehow he didn't manage to notice that my finished product had about 10 different hand writings. But, I digress.

Not only was Tom very mean, he was also a total redneck. He loved to parade around outside all day shirtless with his disgusting birth mark (a large patch of bumpy, pimply skin with very long hairs protruding from it) WHILE wearing cut off shorts which stopped only a little below his buttcheeks. He had a beer tap in the kitchen (awesome!) He had about 14,000 cars (all of them not running) in the driveway. What my mother was thinking, I will never fully understand.

He did do a few nice things for us kids. For instance, on one very hot summer day, he decided to surprise us. He lined a homemade pull trailor with some very heavy plastic and then filled it up with some (freezing) water and told us we got a pool and that we could go swimming! Shaun and i were very excited and got into our swimsuits right away. I guess we thought that a 10 foot underground pool could be installed in an afternoon. I have no idea. Anyway, we ran outside to discover this little trailor filled up with water in the front yard, no less. How anti-climatic. I pretended, quite convincingly, to be excited. We got in and the thing was barely bigger than a bathtub and cold enough to make you go into hyperthermia within 30 seconds. However, we SAT in it and splashed around and said "Yay!!!"

He did a pretty shoddy job creating it. (It leaked) And I'm pretty sure he was drunk, which was FINE with us because the ONLY time Tom was nice was when he was drunk. It was amazing. Four or Five beers and he turned into Hitler's angelic, mild mannered twin. He took pictures of us "swimming" in it and they are floating around somewhere. I wish I had them now to share with you.

Well, I am running out of time now. Plus, I have to druge up some more memories--but I will post the other three tomorrow.

Ta ta for now.

The Arctic Coast is the Most!!

Okay, not really. I just like to rhyme. Not to say that it's "bad" up here, it has a beauty of it's own and I will never forget it. I've written some pretty decent songs up here, learned how much I love pastels, made a really close friend and have met MANY amazing people from all over the world. Not to mention saw things that I am sure I will never see again.

A friend of mine said that this place makes you more "you". Kind of like infusion. I agree with this in part. It certainly has tested my metal and made me realize my own silliness, my own strengths and flaws, and what I truly want in life.
My own father's nick name for me is "gypsy". I agree that I do have a tendency to ramble. But this nickname also bothers me to an extent. I love adventure and travel but I don't want to be a vagabond forever. 30 is creeping up quickly and I need to lay down some roots somewhere. I need a home base and quite honestly, there has never been a place where I felt that. I want to carve out something of my own. What good are all these songs I'm writing if I am not sharing them with anyone? I must say. I MISS PERFORMING. Bad.

That being said, I am pretty much ready to get back into civilization. I'm already feeling slightly awkward and bushy. The thought of loan sharks, cops, taxes, parking meters, crazy folks with a pension for crime...it is kind of overwhelming. I'm free of all of those things here in my safe little bubble.
I've realized some things lately. For instance, a little solitude is good--too much of it is bad. At least for me. I miss my friends and family to pieces and some days that can get me pretty down. I realized it's not always where you're at, but who you're with. When I get back, I am going to dig my heals in.

I had three goals coming up here: Experience the arctic, clear my head of bullshit, and save a little bit of money. By the time I leave in October, I will have accomplished all of those goals which makes me feel pretty darn good. I have devoured all 686 songs on my ipod. (it's an older model) and now I am lusting for some new stuff. Anyone who wants to send me some burned cd's, I will be very grateful.

The grass is already turning fall colors and I can feel winter peeking it's head around the corner already. This means less walks for me, which makes me a little sad. Any book recommendations? Thankfully it looks like we will be very busy. So I will work work work for 51 more days, then this world worn gal is coming home. Be ready for me!

Love,
Steph.

A couple people asked about my music. Here is a link where you can listen. (Keep in mind, most of these songs are older and/or works in progress)
http://www.myspace.com/stephieyeager

Deadhorse Update

This is a picture of the view from my window as of a few weeks ago. All that snow has melted now.
It has been forever since I've updated this thing. I've been staying pretty busy and don't have a lot of time to get my blog on. What can I say? Gee...so much has happened since the last time that I wrote. The majority of the snow has melted now, the arctic flowers are blooming. So far this season I have seen three bears, musk ox, caribou, varioius species of birds, ground squirrels. The white fish haven't made there way here yet, but I would like to do some fishing some time.
Time is running together and days are just passing by. It seemed I blinked and it was July. I will spend my 29th birthday in the arctic. It's kind of meaningless to keep time. My inner clock is broken. Between not having any obligations in the real world and it being light 24/7, I have no reason to keep track really. It's kind of comforting, actually.
There are certain things that I used to view as really important that now seem completely meaningless. There are things that I didn't even notice before, that I took for granted, simple things....that I appreciate so much more. For instance, the voices of family and friends. Graceful changing of the seasons. The weather here is kind of an adventure in and of itself. I am an imposter martian working on Mars. I notice every little change. Small things seem much more drastic. It is getting kind of green up here now. It is a nice change from brown, gray, and white. The river is so beautiful to me. If most would come up here and see it, they would probably shrug and say, "It's just a river". But to me it is this massive life force. It's invigorating just to listen to it. It almost makes up for the lack of trees.
I feel like I am changing a lot. I have become kind of privy to this place. Although if I were to try and explain it to you, I would fail miserably. It is something subtle yet profound. Like waves against the rocks making sharp corners soft.

I keep those I love in my thoughts always.
I love and miss you all,
Steph.

To The One Who Broke My Heart.

You're my achilles heel, but I already know how to swim.

Ayn Rand on Sex...

I came across this the other day and found it interesting.

"Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment - just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! - an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience - or to fake - a sense of self-esteem. Love is our response to our highest values - and can be nothing else.”
- Ayn Rand

Week Tres

Well, here it is...week three at Deadhorse Camp in the good ole arctic. Not a whole lot of pressing news to report this week, other than I have been getting out and going for walks every chance I get. This place really does have a beauty all it's own. Simply the intensity of the sun is something to experience. The enormous sky seems to swallow you. Natures gorgeous snow sculptures that the wind created with our last blizzard. Now the rocks and the river bed are starting to peek out from under the snow and life is slowly starting to return.
A couple of days ago I saw a gorgeous Snow Bunting just outside the camp and on my walk today I saw some geese. This does not seem like a big deal, but after 8 months of the silence of winter, every new development is exciting for folks up here. I cannot wait for the migration! Every day that I go out, I hope to see something new.
Today was rather cold on my walk (at least for this Tennessee girl.) It was -3. The sun was out and beaming strong though which definitely softened the blow. I am going to have to invest in some warmer pants, as my tooshy got frost nipped a little. I've been playing it by ear as far as supplies. It's an interesting contrast here. When I'm walking along the Dalton, one side is a lake, a river, miles and miles of tundra. The other side is machinery, trucks, and other various equiptment. man vs nature. The age old battle and I'm somewhere in the middle.
The only things I have to keep me entertained in my free time are my ipod, two books, five movies, and my guitar. That is all i could bring with me on the plane. My ipod froze today and now it is not working. Both books I have read. All five movies I have watched. So, what to do? I really don't want to start accumulating too much stuff. I'm thinking of purchasing some pretty stationary for writing letters, a couple small canvases and some pastels, a larger journal for scribbling, and a condensor mic. When I receive my laptop, I can hook my condensor mic up to it and use it for recording. Who knows, maybe I will write and record an album here this summer. That would be fun! Recording in my little drill unit in Prudoe Bay, Alaska. CRAZY, huh? Oh! And I absolutely need a new camera!
I have started to collect rocks. There are some very pretty fossils and stones lying around if you pay attention. Perhaps I will take the prettiest ones and have them polished and wrap them into necklaces for gifts. (or for me!) Ha.
Boy, the things that I have taken for granted! The luxuries of life that I consumed without so much as a second thought. Like....body wash! (Oh girlie, smelly, silky body wash...how I miss thee.)Yes, I shower peeps with awesome bar soap. Just like those archaic cave people did.
Personally, I am getting more adjusted. My sleep patterns are balancing out a little more. I find I don't really care if the sun is shining when I fall asleep anymore. In fact, every ray of sunshine is a comfort to me. I'm becoming hungry for it like a sun starved animal. 24 hours of daylight sounds glorious! What is happening to me? ha. The past four nights I've slept with my curtains open. (I have a very decent view of the tundra from my room). It makes me happy.
Well, I am out of words for now, so I'm signing off. Happy trails to you.
Love,
Steph.

Snow Caves

What is there to do during a blizzard you ask? Suit up and build an igloo of course! One of the regular guests and I built it together. He made a snow saw out of a piece of sheet metal and we cut blocks of snow out. Those suckers were heavy! It ended up being pretty cozy inside. It turned out pretty lopsided, but we had fun! I am hoping to build another more snazzy one before the snow melts in a month or so.