For the record, I do not claim to be a Buddhist, but I adore Buddhist philosophy. I consider myself a Christian but I believe that a lot of concepts in Eastern thought are useful. I don't claim to be an expert by any means, but I've found this thought to be helpful.
So here is the story. You've been here, I've been here. You meet someone. They are great, beautiful, and you get along with them fantastic. You start making all of these plans in your mind. The relation could be friendship, romantic, or family. Then something happens. They move or meet someone else or stop caring. They move on but there you are, stuck with all of this emotional baggage. What do you do? How do you get rid of it? How do you appease it? Why do we always desire things that we cannot have? Well, perhaps it can be as simple as changing your perspective. The mind is very powerful. Who says that it cannot be honed and strengthened just like any other part of us? We all have had experiences like this. Often times we end up repeating destructive patterns that make us unhappy in the search of outward fulfillment.
When you are attached to something, the mind becomes excited and full of unrealistic expectations for someone else to fulfill something within yourself. Attachment is self-serving and we often gloss over fact with fantasy when we are going for what we want. This is usually in the form of another person but sometimes it can be applied to other objects like food. But attachment is not true happiness because you cannot control what someone else says or does and emotions in and of themselves are fleeting. If someone else changes their views or their opinion or withdraws their attention, you are not happy anymore. Yes, we eat and get full...but of course we will become hungry again. (I wish I wasn't hungry as much..hee hee) But, this is not true happiness. Desire in and of itself does not equal happiness.
The consequences of attachments are often not peace and contentment but dissatisfaction and more desire. Attachment clouds our mind and prevents us from seeing its faults. And since the nature of the world is impermanence and change the object of our attachment may not always be useful or pleasing. External things cannot bring lasting contentment. Until we are truly happy within we will repeat the same patterns of attachment which is really only a distraction for how we feel inside.
It is useful to think about death. Some people think that it is morbid and scary to consider, but it is only a part of life. When we think about how we will not always be here and that we cannot take anything or anyone with us, it helps us to enjoy what is in the moment without projecting unfair expectations onto someone else. Not letting go of something only harms ourselves and we are simply wasting precious energy. That energy could be applied to bigger and more positive things.
Consider the fact that the object of your attachment is not you. You are separate from it. Feel the sadness but realize that it doesn't have to become a part of you. It is not a part of you. It does not own you and in and of itself it cannot make you better or worse. You are not it. You were perfectly fine before it and will be perfectly fine afterward.
Look beneath the surface of things. Realize that a lot of things are not what they seem. We often "make" them what they are by the thoughts that we project unto them in our own minds. Consider a very attractive person for instance. Imagine being able to see beneath their skin, beneath their eyes.. Think about the blood, the vessels, the bones, and the intestines. Think of the organs and everything else beneath the surface. Outer beauty is fleeting and it does perish. There is only one beauty that is lasting and that is the beauty of the soul. This is not to say that beauty should not be enjoyed, but we should not worship it or attempt to be validated by it.
Okay. That is my thought for the day. A lengthy one I know, but what can I say? I believe that sometimes we can be our own therapists.
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