The long and short of it

You created a world
Where I could undress
You conjured a place of wonder.
But I wanted the man
Not the clown.
And you are always wearing that damn face paint.

Things I will no longer take for granted...

Sunshine, warmth, humidity, butterflies, lightning bugs, city lights, art, culture, flowers, trees, flowing water, grass, squishy mud between my toes, fresh and juicy fruit, live music, the sound of trains, the smell of dirt, cuddling, the smell of rain, target stores, friendly faces, architecture, houses, alleys, fountains, barefeet on the sidewalk, picnics, the smell of barbeque on a summer night, rolling down hills, walking through the woods, climbing trees...to be continued.

I LOVE SUN!!!

So, the sun is finally coming out around here. Oh, how I have missed it. Dawn has broken and it is glorious, folks. Let me just encapsulate this moment with Katrina and the Waves.

No Apologies

I refuse to apologize for who I am or for the truth. People act as if sadness is the plague, but I feel it is normal. Tonight I cry for the lowly, poor, and afraid....for the rejected, awkward, and insane. For the voices, brilliant, snuffed into the ground. And most of all for the beautiful pearls hidden in their shells. All the love lost...and all the love never found.

Thoughts....

That was the worst title ever. I hate titles.

Anyway...on to the blogging...

There are some days where we all should have a liscence to just let our hair down a little. Where we give ourselves some room to simply be sad, or crazy...to let it all out. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up feeling completely off. Full of nervous energy, antsy, cabin feverish. I am in the arctic winter after all. Sometimes I can not be cognizant of that or take it for granted. You could say that I didn't deal with those feelings in the best way, however, I actually learned something from my self induced debauchry. I feel much better today. It was kind of nice being gentle with myself and simply admiting, "You know what? I feel like shit. This is how I feel and Im not putting on a smile for you."

To my surprise, everyone around me (and all those not "around" me that I spoke with via telephone) were incredibly supportive. I guess I am learning to trust a little more again and be vulnerable? After telling my friend that I was a total hot mess and felt half way insane he said, "Wow! That sounds like fun!" You know you have some amazing friends in your life when they can saddle up beside you on any given day. Good day, bad day, happy, sad, ugly, no makeup, dressed to the hilt, confused, sad, what have you. I do not know why this felt so freeing and such a revelation to me. Perhaps somehow I have developed the impression that nothing is built to last....that people are inherently judgmental...that they will leave you when you're down. I hate that I view the world with such a cynical eye these days. But love and hope ARE much bigger than the confusion and sadness all around me. That brings me comfort and inspires me to do better. I am strong, worthy, and capable. I am also flighty, moody, and sensitive. And you know what? For the first time, maybe ever, I think that is okay.

And all of you, my friends, (the three that read this blog!!!) :p, thank you for being you!

Love,
Me.

Lonely Girls

Lonely girls swallow hard at night
Fighting off sleep
Because dreaming is the saddest time.
A quiet longing
And searing heat
Folded up inside
Take it to work and in the car
To the grocery store and to the bar
And finally lay down
With a soul of desire
Emptiness running through
Like horses on fire.